By BOB FUSELIER
Los Alamos
Last week I ended my column with the suggestion that it would be foolish to ignore when science and faith come to a similar conclusion. Below is one such example.
I begin with what might be called a bit of faith, a couple of teachings attributed to Jesus, a historical figure seen by some as a son of God, others as a prophet, and others as a wise teacher who lived a couple of thousand years ago. The two teachings come from what is commonly known as his Sermon on the Mount.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you”. Jesus goes on to contrast the quid pro quo love we typically experience with the transcendent love he is espousing. But how can we obtain this form of love; how can we love those who hate us, those who continually wish us harm?
The answer, more of a removal of obstacles, lies in a teaching that appears a bit later in the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus is chastising those who judge others. “Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove that splinter from your eye,’ while the wooden beam is in your eye? Hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye.”
The first thing I find interesting in this bit of ancient advice is that the audience is asked to first question themselves. Why do you notice something wrong with another but fail to see you own fault? How can you even think someone would want you to help them with their problem when you’re blinded to your own problem?
Years ago, while discussing this topic with my then 12 year old granddaughter, I asked her if she had ever experienced watching two friends argue, have one of the two come to her later and say something similar to “I hate that about her”, and then realize what her friend said she hated about the other friend is what the first friend is also guilty of. She chuckled and said yes. What we hate in the other is, with few exceptions, something we hate subconsciously about ourselves.
The wooden beam in the eye of the one trying to help the other is no more than his or her splinter, their false reality with which they are struggling, projected on to the other. When we try to view another person with a splinter in our cornea, our splinter appears as a beam as it’s magnified by our lens and projected onto the other. When we ignore the other and view our splinter directly, we see the source of our poor vision and obtain the sight, the awareness, to deal with it properly.
When we realize how often we try to “cure” others of what is ailing us, we take the first step in becoming able to help both ourself and the other. As we address our own struggles, we slowly gain the awareness that what is troubling our brother is not what is troubling us. We then can clearly see the other’s problem and, thus, be able to offer what the other truly needs.
When we blend these two teachings together, we see what psychology today is telling us: what we hate in the other is what we hate about ourselves. When we find the courage to explore and try to understand what we hate about ourselves – and this is not easy – we’ll find ourselves on the path to true freedom.
Editor’s note: Bob Fuselier is a retired veterinarian and is currently a chaplain here in Los Alamos. In addition to serving as a chaplain with the Los Alamos Fire and Police Departments, Dr. Fuselier facilitates grief support groups and collaborates with others providing emotional support needs in the Los Alamos area. As an author, he’s published a children’s book series and a book on emotional neuroscience.