By Fr. Glenn Jones
Ahhh … a belated Valentine’s Day to you all. Flowers, chocolates, hearts, cards, muchas smooches. Luuuuvvv. Hopefully good romances and kindnesses renewed. And, for you husbands who forgot about it … I hope that couch is comfy. 😉
One of the greatest joys of priests and ministers is the blessing of marriages … brides coming down the aisle embodying scripture, “She was radiant with perfect beauty…” (Esther 15:5), and the congregation musing approvingly of the insight of the groom: “Do not deprive yourself of a wise and good wife, for her charm is worth more than gold.” (Sirach 7:19)
But marriage—like priesthood and ministry—is a vocation which must be unceasingly attended to, developed, and at times even fought for. To have and to hold, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health: not just an empty phrase, but a promise of inevitable joys and challenges ahead.
God created mankind out of love, and so the fundamental vocation of every person IS to love … for Man is created in the image and likeness of God who is Himself love (1 John 4:16). Since God created them man and woman, their mutual love becomes a reflection of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves mankind.
This love is good—very good—in the Creator’s eyes … and thus the vocation to marriage is written in the very heart of man and woman as they come from the Creator—a reflection of the love of the artist in those made in His image. So the Catholic Church teaches: “…marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman which establishes between them…life and love…ordered to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children”… established by the Creator, the author of this marriage which is itself a reflection of the union between Christ and His Church—the Church the bride, Christ the bridegroom.
In true marriage the grace of God descends upon those married in order to form a unity of body and soul—even physically in their children. True marriage is that natural channel where love flows—making it that exclusive and permanent commitment. As St. Robert Bellarmine: “The wife must love her husband as if there were no other man in the world, and in the same way the husband should love her as if no other woman existed.”
Such exclusivity corresponds to the profound hope of all men and women both to love, and to be loved, in security and to the exclusion of all others…vowing to one another: “I would not wish any companion in the world but you.” (The Tempest, Act III, Scene 1)
Thus, one of the first things addressed in the Bible is marriage. In the Creation story, God saw that the man He created needed a partner, so He makes woman from one of the man’s ribs. And in taking the rib—a part near his heart—woman is shown an equal with the man before God…to be loved and cherished as a true partner in life.
The wise man recognizes this, saying with Adam in relief and joy: “This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” Finally! … here is one to share my life … to share my burdens … to be the object of my undying love. “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh”… and what God has joined, let no man break asunder. (Matthew 19:6)
But, obviously … despite this, marriage is not always a bed of roses … as we witness daily. Even the Catholic Church recognizes that not every marriage is “made in Heaven” if there is some deficiency in its beginning: a lack of intent of commitment, coercion of some sort, deception, etc., on the part of one or both—sad realities which often end putatively permanent unions. And real and true marriage itself is not a storybook. There WILL be difficult times—times when they don’t understand each other, when feeling ignored or unappreciated, when tempted by other men and women.
But the commitment made is a covenant between themselves, and yet also one with God. In their lives ahead He gives grace to be faithful, to be forgiving … to be loving … for as St. Paul tells us: “Love never fails.”
So in years ahead, let those around you married say in all admiration, echoing St. Paul (1 Corinthians 13):
Jack and Jill are patient
Jack and Jill are kind.
They are not jealous, they are not pompous
They are not inflated, they are not rude.
They do not seek their own interests, but the interests of each other.
They are not quick-tempered, nor do they brood over injury,
They do not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoice with the truth.
Jack and Jill bear all things, believe all things, hope for all things, endure all things.
Because the love of Jack and Jill never fails.
So, husbands: “…rejoice in the wife of your youth…a lovely hind, a graceful doe. Let her affection fill you at all times with delight, be infatuated always with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18f) And you lovely brides, hear from your husband’s heart: “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; for lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone…Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away…let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is beautiful…” (Song of Songs 2:10ff)
And all remember St. Paul: “Put on then… holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and… forgiving each other… And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:12ff)
For, as St. Paul assures us: “There are three things that last: faith, hope and love, and the greatest of these is love.”
And so … to end with a bit of Shakespeare:
God, the best maker of all marriages,
Combine your hearts in one, your realms in one!
As man and wife, being two, are one in love,
So be there ‘twixt your kingdoms such a spousal,
That never may ill office, or fell jealousy,
Which troubles oft the bed of blessed marriage,
Thrust in between the [union] of these kingdoms…
(Henry V, Act 5, Scene 2)
May God bless you all, and make you to live together in happiness all the days of your lives.
Rev. Glenn Jones is the Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Santa Fe and former pastor of Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church in Los Alamos.