By Fr. Glenn Jones:
It’s funny how easily we toss around extreme phrases: “I gave everything I had?!” “You have to give 110%!!” But do we? Are we truly so generous of ourselves?
On the other hand, if someone were to chastise a parent, a child or a spouse: “You give too much love!”, I think most of us would think such phrase absurd. Love for another is the one thing that should be limitless. Certainly there are better ways than others to manifest love (not enabling self-destructive behavior for one), but, like God who IS love (1 John 4:8), the greatest love is that which has no end. Infinite.
When we’re thinking about giving to a cause, a charity or to our church, the question inevitably arises: “How much should I give? How much can I afford to give?” Well … how much do you believe in that for which you are giving? We certainly believe in our families: parents may readily sacrifice virtually all that they have for the good of their children. And many selfless individuals give their lives in service to their faiths or to good causes. After all, who cannot admire those who are relatively prosperous who go serve those in the poorest areas in the world, even perhaps at the risk of their own lives?
In modern culture, love is frequently reduced to just a feeling—spontaneous, warm affection that we either have for someone or we do not. That is a grievous error. We do not necessarily always have warm fuzzies for those who deserve our love, even spouse or child or parent. But the biblical and Christian concept of love is not merely emotion you manufacture; rather, it is a conscious, willful choice to seek the ultimate good and well-being of another person.
A great example is in Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10). When he saw the injured traveler, the Samaritan did not just feel bad and walk away; he acted and sacrificed of himself regardless of the fact that he could expect no benefit in return other than the self-knowledge of having helped another who was in need. This demonstrates that biblical and true love requires sacrifice. Such love requires that we step out of our comfort zones, disrupt our schedules, and use our resources to help the hurting and those in need. As we read in scripture: “… let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18). True love of neighbor is without measure for the giver; it is feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, welcoming the stranger, and speaking the truth in love. And if it doesn’t “sting” at least a little, is it really a sacrifice of self? Is it really love?
St. Paul further underscores the importance of this virtue of love and charity: “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law” (Romans 13:8-10). He goes further in the next verses that commandments such as not committing murder, not stealing, and not coveting are all summarized in the singular rule: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But we can, and should, look further. Love is not only not harming another but looking to the other’s good. St. Thomas Aquinas, the great theologian and philosopher, writes that love is not just emotion, but rather is guided by the will. True love is an act of deliberate choice—a rational, self-sacrificing commitment to the flourishing of the other.
Christians, of course, see this most starkly in Jesus Himself—allowing Himself to be sacrificed by crucifixion for the salvation of all who seek to live lives of goodness and faith—of self-sacrifice as He did. He cites the great truth: “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Sometimes non-Catholics ask why Catholics tend toward displaying crucifixes rather than just bare crosses: “Don’t Catholics know that Jesus was buried and resurrected?!” Well, of course we do. But the crucifix showing Jesus on the cross reminds of God’s limitless love and sacrifice for us. Thus we recall Jesus’ call for each of His disciples to take up their own crosses and follow Him. What is that “cross” but to have faith in Him regardless of any difficulty in our lives, and to be self-sacrificial as He was?
How much to give for God and for others? Well, we have responsibility for our families, of course; St. Paul writes: “If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). But we should eschew opulence and self-importance, for our resources can be much better used—used for the good of others. We might think of that episode in the Gospels of the widow’s mite where a poor widow gave all that she had, earning praise from Jesus Himself: “Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came, and put in two copper coins … [Jesus] called his disciples to him, and said to them, ‘Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For they all contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, her whole living.’” Poor, destitute widow. Yet … such love.
So … when is there too much love? I think that answers the question.
Never.
Editor’s note: Rev. Glenn Jones is the Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Santa Fe and former pastor of Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church in Los Alamos.