By Fr. Glenn Jones:

“I’m sorrrryyy!”

That is a phrase we hear very commonly, sincerely or no. Many times public figures who put foot-in-mouth and then instantly criticized on social media become concerned about having offended (or perhaps about loss of revenue, or votes) and showily beg forgiveness, whether actually sorry or not. More universally are the missteps in we commoners’ lives—forget a birthday or anniversary, break something of value, etc. Yet when wronged the good person seeks to be merciful and give the other the benefit of the doubt, yet we’ve all also been burnt by our good intentions by weepers of “crocodile tears”.

The well-meaning and kindly person, while seeking to avoid naivete, will at least try to look at each event on a blank slate—each occurrence in itself without undue prejudice. This is, after all, what we ask from our public justice system. Yes, someone who has been caught shoplifting may have a propensity for such crime, but to hold him accountable for a specific event still requires evidence rather than just prejudiced assumption. And, of course, Jesus Himself emphasized the need to forgive freely even despite repeated offense: “…if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4), and in another place: “Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22)

Such is definitely one of the more difficult principles of the Christian faith to follow; we tend to hold grudges whenever wronged and then no longer trust (or forgive)—out of pride, yes, but also out of protection … for ourselves and our loved one. Wrong a mother’s child and mama bear instantly roars! Such caution is certainly valid and even necessary for the protection of others. We are free to be submissive in the face of harm as was Jesus (turning the other cheek) when we alone are at risk, but not so much with others (risking others’ cheeks to be struck). For example, you can hire an apparently repentant embezzler to do your own finances if you wish, but not necessarily to do others’ books.

These musings came while reading the Mass scriptures for this Sunday, in which we hear the author’s prayer to God: “ … you judge with clemency, and with much lenience you govern us … And you taught your people, by these deeds, that those who are just must be kind; and you gave your children good ground for hope that you would permit repentance for their sins.” (Wisdom 12:16-18)

The Christian’s constant goal, of course, is to ever improve oneself to reflect God’s goodness. If that’s the case, as we see above and in innumerable such scripture passages, granting forgiveness and being merciful is an essential principle in following Christ. After all, if Jesus can forgive even those who nailed Him to the cross while hanging on that cross (“Father, forgive them; they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)), who are we to not forgive. Dare we, then, withhold forgiveness while asking to be forgiven? Is that not the height of hypocrisy? And yet … who among us is not guilty of that at one time or another (or many other).

As for ourselves, when we ask forgiveness of others, we need ponder how much effort we expended in avoiding the situation causing a hurt. Did we offend deliberately, simply presuming on being forgiven by a kind, gentle and charitable soul? Blessed are those merciful, but then where’s the love on our side? Does not real love long to please the beloved? But if we find ourselves often hurting those whom we love—especially when doing things that could be avoided, or not doing things that should be done—how much do we love?

And does this, O Christian, not pertain most of all to how much we love God? We need remember: “Do you suppose, O man, that when you judge those who do such things and yet do them yourself, you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume upon the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience? Do you not know that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:3-4) And yet we often do that very thing, cavalierly expecting God’s mercy regardless of our lack of care in following His direction. Do we even bother to delve more deeply in His Word to understand what He desires of us, or does that Bible just collect dust on the coffee table? Yes, we can certainly expect His mercy for falling out of weakness, but to simply dismiss His instruction is to walk a foolish path—“no oil in the lamp”, so to speak.

Yes, to love is to seek to benefit and please one’s beloved, and St. John tells us specifically that “… this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.” (1 John 5:3), a theme much earlier expounded by the prophet Samuel: “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” (1 Samuel 15:22) As a child’s love is reflected in his obedience to his parents, so our love of God is reflected in whether we obey His Word … or not. Whether we actually believe in His Word … or not. For St. Paul bookends his deepest and most subtle letter with virtually the same phrase concerning his and the apostles’ mission: “… to bring about the obedience of faith.” (Romans 1:5, 16:26). Thus, true faith leads not only to obedience to God, and thus to the Good, but instills great ardor for doing so.