Dr. TED WIARD
Golden Willow Retreat

Editors Note: This is part of a series by grief specialist Dr. Ted Wiard, dedicated to helping educate the community about emotional healing.

In this series, we have been discussing the topic of grief and how it is a natural and normal healing process from any type of loss.

The last couple of months have demonstrated how the entire world can be impacted emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually. Most people have had a major change in their perception of the world.

Loss is anytime that a person’s perception of safety and their definition of themselves has been changed. Grief is the process of rebuilding that definition and stabilizing a new norm in which to function one’s daily life.

When someone is in a place of loss, the brain becomes hyper-aroused and is put on high alert of danger. This leads to a decreased short-term memory, that person then becomes hypervigilant, increasing irritability and high impulsivity. This is not a bad scenario it is actually how our species has survived. It is natural that when fearful, there is an increase in self-preservation and less mindful thoughts and actions about anyone else.

This was demonstrated by the toilet paper panic in which people were willing to fight over a product at the cost of others. In the survival area of the brain there is a demand for instant gratification. Partly, this is due to the brain no longer concerned about future rewards and long-term gratification, the brain is only interested in the present survival situation.

If the brain had a voice it may be saying something like, “If I’m not going to be around tomorrow why should I worry about it?” The crux of this is what feeds this part of the brain, it is usually fear of the future! I call this future catastrophizing. This fuels the survival impulse to continue to be in the gear of immediate existence. What is worrisome is a person who is caught in survivor mode begins to take actions to dissolve the discomfort as fast as possible.

This leads to destructive behaviors that cause damage in the long run. Addictive tendencies will arise quickly as addiction derives from high impulsivity in order to decrease immediate dis-ease. Alcohol, porn, electronics, shopping, drugs, sex, love and relationship, gamboling, rage, cigarettes, control, and extreme actions are only some of the addictive tendencies that may reach out and take control of someone’s life.

Addiction is any time a person overrides the inhibition to do something as it may hurt themselves, their profession, relationships, or others, and still do the behavior for that instant gratification. Addiction is a difficult disease and it is not easy to override the brain from acting upon the magnified impulse to get rid of the discomfort from an external source. I actually believe it is a miracle each time someone is caught in the craving, to remove discomfort and not reach for what has “worked” in the past.

Finding supports that help the brain remember that the first impulse may not be what serves someone in the long run is so important. Resources such as support groups, professionals, spiritual groups, healthy family and friends and community can help the brain know that there is still connection and with that connection, the brain can allow someone to move back to mindfulness, to levels of serenity in the midst of chaos, and decisions that in the long run, will serve the person as well as the world.

In a time that is so intensely charged, finding support and responding to situations, rather than reacting to the times, will allow you the opportunity to make choices that serve all. I wish you well, and until the next article, take care.

Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat  GWR@newmex.com or call at 575.776.2024