Coaching Café: Self-fate

Coaching Café

In one of the latest Coaching Café at Legacy Now Lived™, we discussed self-mastery and how by resonating at a high level of energy, we can oftentimes attract what we really do want into our lives.

What holds us back from living the lives we desire? Some people attribute the lack of having what they want to fate – that their lives are somehow “meant to be” the way they are. Many people don’t like the concept of fate, however, because it negates free will. But what if the traditional concepts of fate and free will were not the only reasons we are held back? An unusual concept called self-fate helps to explain why so many of us don’t have what we really want.

Self-fate is the idea that because our past is dominating our thought processes, and because most people are not consciously living in the moment, our past actually creates our future. Because we are making choices based on our past experiences, we cannot change our future unless the control of the past is removed, and we choose to live in the present.

So self-fate really means that for most of us, fate does exist, and we do have free will. Oftentimes it is us who create our futures because we are imprisoned by the past. We have pre-determined choices that we are programmed to make, and our past does the programming.

Think about a woman who is unhappy with her relationships and says that she seems to meet the same kind of men over and over again. She complains that men are all the same, looking for the same thing. She believes that she’s never going to find a relationship that is mutually respectful and serving, as opposed to the relationships she’s had, where she’s been emotionally abused.

It’s no wonder she feels this way, as she’s had many experiences that have created those beliefs. In fact, it’s quite normal that she believes what she does, which poses a real challenge – since she sees men as disrespectful, abusive and manipulative, she is putting out “victim” energy. She is being a victim to her beliefs.

And what is the result of that? The vibration she emits is picked up by those whose energy matches those beliefs: men who will take advantage of her. To them, she’s an easy target. And so, she actually creates her future relationships, and will continue to do so unless she changes her sense of self, or, who she is being, in relationships.

The traditional concept of fate proposes that our lives are pre-determined by an outside source. Self-fate, however, is something that we can control. In the next column, we’ll begin to discuss how we can reprogram our futures so that we achieve our unlimited potential.

LeAnne Parsons CPC, ELI-MP is a Life/Leadership and Relationship Restoration Coach in Los Alamos and offers group, individual, virtual and in person sessions as well as workshops, seminars and retreats. She can be reached at 505.412.1817 or visit

LOS ALAMOS website support locally by OviNuppi Systems