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BETRAYAL
- Students Speak Out About Dating Abuse; Deception At LAHS
Four local students have shared details of atrocious behavior they say is underway by a group of boys at Los Alamos High School.
They said the boys created an iCloud account at the beginning of the school year “that’s going on right now”. They post nude and semi nude photos of their girlfriends and classmates in the iCloud, which now contains explicit photos of more than 100 local girls. The boys have passwords for posting and viewing the photos.
The girls told the Los Alamos Daily Post during a recent interview that the boys involved are primarily sophomores and juniors along with a few seniors. Because they are minors, the names of all of the students are being withheld.
“These guys bet each other whether they can get a nude picture from a girl in under five (text) messages,” one of the girls said. “If they do, all the guys give high fives. For girls, a relationship is emotional and for boys it’s just fun. Guys think they can get away with it and think we don’t know … we know.”
The girls said participation in sexting is happening at LAHS and across the county because of low self esteem issues.
“In Los Alamos pretty much everyone has seen each girl’s boobs so it’s like peer pressure if you don’t show yours,” one of the girls said. “If you are a junior or senior you are probably not going to stop doing it but freshman and sophomores who haven’t sent a picture should have a class on ‘don’t do it!’”
Most Parents Are Clueless
“Something that’s really bad is that most parents are clueless about sexting and it’s not their fault, they’re just not aware,” one of the girls said. “Also, a lot of parents in this town have a barrier with their kids … it’s a taboo subject.”
A couple of the girls said their parents are aware and have helped and guided them.
“My parents trust me enough to know I wouldn’t do something like this so they gave me a phone with a camera. I also have guy friends who have told me “if you send nude photos – just know everyone’s going to see it.’”
Another girl said her father sat her down and told her what not to do regarding texting including sending nude photos.
“As a parent you need to tell your son or daughter – don’t base your self-worth or compromise your morals or principles,” she said. “What really helped was my parents telling me personal stories of what they went through … that helped me understand what to do and not do.”
The other girls said that a lot of parents worry about telling their kids stories because the kids will go out and try it, adding that kids more likely won’t because they know the outcome.
The girls said there is really no place kids at LAHS can turn for help with this issue.
Juvenile Justice Advisory Board Youth Resource Advocate Rob Ward joined the girls in their interview with the Los Alamos Daily Post.
Ward asked them, “What about support from girl friends?”
“It’s hard to support each other because, as an example, a friend of ours had a really bad boyfriend and we told her he wasn’t good … she stopped talking to us and later said she tried to break up with him but he said he would kill himself. Also, no one wants to tell you the guy you’re crazy about doesn’t really like you; he just wants a picture of your boobs.”
Afraid To Talk About It
The girls said teens are afraid to tell their parents or a teacher because they think texting naked pictures of themselves is against the law.
“We will be arrested along with the guys and we’ll all have to register as sex offenders for the rest of our lives,” one of the girls said.
Los Alamos Police Chief Dino Sgambellone addressed this issue during an interview Monday afternoon.
“Technically it is a violation of the law to text or email explicit photos of a minor, but we would evaluate each case on its own merits,” Sgambellone said. “The best advice I could give is just don’t put yourself in that position in the first place … understand that once a photo is out there – you can never get it back.”
A Mother Speaks Out
A local mother explained how she first learned her young daughter is a victim of this sexting scandal.
“My daughter came to me when she heard from friends that the site existed and that she might be on it. She entrusted a personal photo to a boyfriend sometime before. She was devastated that this had happened to her. I focused on loving and supporting her and encouraged her to go to the authorities and report it and I supported her in speaking to a police officer.
“I want parents to know that this doesn’t just happen in other cities – it is happening here … and I urge parents to have a conversation with their children (both boys and girls) about the dangers of sexting as soon as their children are old enough to have a cell phone.”
Girls Offer Advice to Younger Students
“Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable doing – don’t do anything to change your morals. We have such a small high school that everyone in a group ends up dating each other so if a guy is really nice and he asks you to send him a picture of your boobs and you do or don’t – he stops talking to you and shares the photo with his friends and they all laugh.”
The girls also advise younger girls going into a relationship to be neutral and put guys “on a long interview process.”
“And remember that self worth isn’t based on how many guys like you or are dating you,” one of the girls said.
Another girl said, “In my case, I thought he really liked me and now he won’t talk to me after I sent him a picture of my boobs. Just know that the guy will get what he wants and then you never see him again.”
“Listen to stories … If a guy isn’t upstanding – don’t think you will change him,” she said.
Talk To Parents
The girls are adamant that kids should share things with their parents. “Schools provide certain types of support but the social/emotional part of it in terms of dating should belong to parents”, one of the girls said.
School’s Role
The girls also said that it seems like the school “kind of turns a blind eye – teachers will definitely hear these conversation of boys laughing about it but they choose to ignore it because they don’t know what to do about it.”
The girls suggested that LAHS should offer a class to alert freshman and sophomores to the ramifications of sending explicit photos to anyone.
Editor’s note: A group of boys at LAHS will share their perspective on this issue in an upcoming edition of the Los Alamos Daily Post.
Statement From LAPS
By Kurt Steinhaus, Superintendent
By Brad Parker, High School Principal
By Carter Payne, High School Assistant Principal
By Renee Dunwoody, High School Assistant Principal
By Ann Stewart, Athletics and Activities Director
The Los Alamos Public Schools and the Los Alamos Police Department have been made aware of a situation that has the potential to threaten the safety and wellbeing of our community’s young people. It has been reported that youth in Los Alamos may have been sharing intimate photos of themselves, and that the photos have potentially been saved and shared using net-based sites. There are serious legal consequences under child pornography laws regarding possession or sharing of inappropriate images of minors.
We are asking for your help. We take these matters very seriously. Youth and parents are asked to talk with each other about the nature of images shared in this manner, and that posted pictures never go away. Parents may want to discuss with their children the safety and mental health challenges that can result from sharing intimate photos.
If youth, parents, or others have information about sharing or storing inappropriate images, please contact the Los Alamos Police Department or the School Resource Officer. Parents are reminded that any evidence collected is being handled by the Los Alamos Police Department.
If the incident is affecting students at school, please speak to a school administrator or call the Los Alamos High School anonymous tip line at 505.663.2570 or email lahshelp@laschools.net. The schools are here to help all students succeed.
The Los Alamos Public Schools have mobilized our counselors and mental health professionals, who are available immediately to talk with students who may have been affected by this situation. We have alerted faculty members to be aware of the issue and to contact guidance counselors or administrators with any questions. Our students’ safety, wellbeing, and mental health are our top priorities and the Los Alamos Public School District remains committed to supporting our youth and their families.