Clergy from left, Deacon Cynthia Biddlecomb, retired; Pastor Nicolé Ferry, Assistant Rector Lynn Finnegan and Pastor Deb Church. Courtesy photo
The Rev. Nicolé Raddu Ferry
Bethlehem Lutheran Church
Los Alamos
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This statement that my parents taught me as I was growing up had good intentions, but it was a lie. The phrase was used as a defense against name-calling and verbal bullying, intended to increase resiliency, avoid physical retaliation and to remain calm and conflict free. This phrase was first sited in 1862 and I know it had great intentions to empower children to ignore unhelpful things that were said, and yet we know that words have great power.
“If you can’t say nothing nice, don’t say nothing at all.” For those of us who have seen the Disney movie, Bambi, can you see the scene? The young rabbit Thumper is acting very embarrassed, with that little foot going around in circles, just after being called up by his mom and dad for remarking in a loud voice, that the fawn Bambi “is kinda wobbly” and that “he doesn’t walk too good.” Thumper’s mother and father—two much wiser rabbits—tell him “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” And this too does not hold absolute truth as we know that silence can interfere with justice, withheld truth can harm others, and silence can be used as a weapon just as words can be used as weapons.
It appears that our social media, and anonymous name calling gives permission for folks to stand on the position: “Hey—it’s how I feel, so too bad if you’re offended. In fact, I hope you are.” Words have power. Words can harm.
As we continue in this new year, I am wondering if we can give a life-giving resolution to our words? Our words do matter. Our words can harm. Our words can also build up, encourage, give hope, and create positive realities for those we encounter. In the Hebrew portion of the Bible the book of Proverbs 12:18 invites us into wisdom: “Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
We have choices. We can choose life-giving words that build up or we can impulsively say something that can deeply harm someone for a long time. Our participation in our faith communities can give us accountability for keeping our word. Our communities help us to consider: Is what we are saying: True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary or Kind? THINK.
Perhaps the next time our hearts “rage” we can pray: “If my heart were more content in you, O Lord, I would be less inclined to rage at others. Let me gauge by the knot in my gut, the power of my own understanding of the grace that I have received from a God who, loving me, chose rather to receive wounds than to give them. Take from me my self-righteous, and my ego-driven demands for respect. Overthrow the tyranny of my anger, O Lord, and in its place establish a better vision of your throne, your kingdom, and your peace.” From every moment Holy.
Editor’s note: ‘All Shall Be Well’ is a semi-monthly column written by local women clergy (pastors and deacons) including, ELCA Deacon Cynthia Biddlecomb, M.Div., retired (czoebidd@gmail.com); Nicolé Ferry, Pastor, Bethlehem Evangelical Lutheran Church (pastornicole@bethluth.com); Lynn Finnegan, Assistant Rector, The Episcopal Church of the Holy Faith, Santa Fe (rev.lynn@holyfaithchurchsf.org) and Deb Church, Pastor, White Rock Presbyterian Church (pastor@wrpchurch.com).