By Rev. Glenn Jones

Another day, another gray hair … at least of the hair that still clings ever so tenuously upon my pate. Sigh. And still can’t get the barber to charge me half-price for the reduction of his labor.  Oh, the humanity!  🙂

One of my favorite lines in scripture, having increasing poignancy as I get older, is “The glory of young men is their strength, but the beauty of old men is their gray hair [wisdom]” (Proverbs 20:29) Ah … the truth of it. How my youthful self gloried in endless runs and exercise … over hill and dale and countless mountain trails, ever seeking the greater physical plateau … reveling in bulging muscles, sleek physique, victory in competition. Alas … now, the bulging tends toward the belly … the reveling, in an early night to rest. 

How youthful strength leads to youthful arrogance. Who of us have not witnessed—and even been guilty of—that teenage hubris, which accompanies the maturing of the body and the raging of the hormones … with accompanying dismissal of adults as “oh-so-stupid” and out of touch … despite the fact that those elders are two, three, four or more times their age? Now, younglings, I ask you: does that make sense? No, your parents may not know the latest song or the latest fad singer or the newest technology, but they have a lot more interest in the things that really matter: yours, and your family’s welfare. And so often those same cocky youth, once they are gone to college or elsewhere, will depend on that telephonic lifeline to home and to sage advice of parents and elders.

Some youth, of course, ARE perceptive enough to recognize the wisdom of elders … though age is certainly not necessarily in itself a sign of wisdom. Wise youth recognize the vastly greater experience of those who have gone before—the irreplaceable experience to recognize signs and paths of success in relationships and life, as well as indicators of possible impending train wrecks.

Relationships, of course, are often the most problematic, and young people so often view hoped-for relationships with rose-colored glasses—over-influenced more by naïve expectations and romantic comedies rather than good parental advice (“It doesn’t matter that he was imprisoned for beating his last three wives and his dog; he loves me!” That is exaggerating a bit, but I’ve heard things not terribly dissimilar. And then there’s the ever-ominous, and almost invariably futile: “But I can CHANGE him!”) And, so, young ones: “Do not disregard the discourse of the aged, for they themselves learned from their fathers; because from them you will gain understanding and learn how to give an answer in time of need.” (Sirach 8:9), and “Rich experience is the crown of the aged…” (Sirach 25:6)

And so, at whatever age we have attained, we ought always remember the wisdom of the commandment: “Honor thy father and thy mother”—not only a Judeo-Christian commandment, but one universal throughout all cultures and religions. We do not only honor parents for their experiential wisdom, but even more so for the love and care for us, and are reminded: “Remember that through your parents you were born; and what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?” (Sirach 7:28)

And so, when parents become elderly, lose a bit of mental sharpness and become more suspicious, paranoid and acerbic—not to mention dependent—as the elderly often become, we simply need be patient with them and for them, and certainly don’t abandon them. As scripture says (apocrypha for non-Catholics/non-Orthodox): “O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, and against your sins it will be credited to you; in the day of your affliction it will be remembered in your favor…” (Sirach 3:12-15) That whole third chapter of Sirach is a wonderful meditation on the reverence due parents—whether you’re Judeo-Christian or not.

A child who honors his parents is himself honored; scriptures are replete with such exhortations.  St. Paul reminds us: “‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.’” (Ephesians 6:2-3) And, yes, that holds even though they may not have been perfect parents; after all, who has been? Can you say that about yourself? If not, then why judge? And you parents might remember that your children will observe how you treat your own parents, so expect the same from them—the “what goes around, comes around” principle. But hopefully your motives will be more altruistic, for kindness to parents is, at very least, due gratitude for all that they have given you.